I am over here!

The other day, while I was indulging myself in the pleasures of getting a manicure, when an obviously naïve Vietnamese young man came up to my sister-in-law, who is also my PCA, and asked her what had happened to me. She turned her head from him and looked at me in absolute stupefaction. One might ask, why we she in total disbelief? The answer for me, as it is with most quadriplegics, was she was standing right next to me. He had obviously made the assumption, and we all know what happens when someone assumes, that I had some sort of cognitive disability and therefore was unable to answer for myself. While I have experienced this innumerable times in the past, this was the first time my sister-in-law had been subjected to such a blatant disregard for my personal intellect.

What made this particular case particularly noteworthy, was when he looked directly at me as I explained to him, in great detail, the manner in which I had become paralyzed and once again he pulled his gaze off me, only to turn to my sister-in-law and ask if I was able to move my arms. Me, not being one typically known for forbearance prior to my injury, took a deep breath and patiently tried to explain the severity of my paralysis vetoes my desire to move my limbs. What truly shocked me, and had my sister-in-law's mouth agape, was when he turned to my sister-in-law one more time to direct another question at her, completely ignoring my very existence.

Many people might find this difficult to believe, but this type of thing happens to quadriplegics all the time. Well, I might confess, maybe not to this extreme, moreover, even professional people, like doctors, tend to often talk as if we are not even present, as they discuss at our diagnosis with anyone else that is in the room. I cannot tell you how many times an individual has approached my brother to inquire if I had any brain damage. My brother's typical response is, "why don't you ask them yourself?"

I did, however, later discover this poor individual just simply did not have the education or background to be able to ask me the questions directly. He did not mean to be disrespectful in any way; he just assumed that I had some sort of mental disability. After I responded the third time, he started directing all of his questions to me; and there were a plethora of inquiries. I tried to use several analogies, in an effort to explain what a spinal cord injury is, but it is extremely difficult to compare my paralysis with anything when the individual doesn't even know who Christopher Reeve is. The difficult part of all this is that I feel compelled to edify as many people as I can about spinal cord injuries (SCI) and know full well these individuals will be transferring my reactions to their inquiries on to all the quadriplegics they well come into contact with in the future. With this in mind I wanted to leave him with a good impression of me as a person. I feel it is vital that I serve as a positive ambassador for all paralyzed individuals which may come into contact with this person later. And believe me, this is not always an easy task. It would sure be simplified if when people initially see me they would think about what my personality is like and not look at the chair and ponder what is wrong with me or what happened to put me in the chair.

If you are interested, there is an interesting poem which a fellow quadriplegic wrote that eloquently describes some of these feelings. He is much more artistic than I am and I would be remiss if I did not include a link. You can simply click on the title of this particular post and it will take you to his web site. I apologize if this was not too easy to understand, but I will try to get back and make it more legible.
http://members.aol.com/LSAPOSNEK/index5.html

Languid and Jittery

This last week has not been to productive and I'm not sure how much I will get accomplished this week. I have been rereading a few of the blogs I have made over the last few weeks and I am in utter shock at some of the grieves mistakes I have been making. I want to assure everyone these blogs are not indicative of my normal scholastic writing. I do try to be somewhat articulate and grammatically correct as much as possible, but I know, as well as many others do, that I face enormous challenges in this department. I am attempting, nonetheless, to go back and rewrite some of these posts, in an effort to improve my writing ability. This endeavor, nevertheless, is further complicated by my languorous mood which has left me a little too distrait to concentrate on my writing, in great detail. I have therefore, been relegated to reading books, which many of my friends referred to as "potato chip books." These are books that are purely for entertainment, but I must concede that Nelson DeMille tries to include messages in his books. I have lowered my medication somewhat, in an effort to ward off this listless feeling which has been prevalent in me for the last few weeks. So far, my muscles have been a little more spastic, but I have not an enormous improvement in regaining my vigor; except, I was able to finish Up Country and found it a very provocative and interesting novel. However, what else is to be expected from Nelson DeMille?

I currently do not plan to spend too much time working on anything in particular this coming week. I guess I will continue to read pleasurable books and possibly read a chapter or two from James W. Lowen's books. I forgot to mention my old DVR finally gave up the ghost about five nights ago, and it ended up spending a great deal of time programming the new DVR (TIVO) into my ECU (environmental control unit). As I have been using my old DVR for more than three years, it is going to take me sometime to acclimatize myself to all of the idiosyncrasies of this particular system. I'm not extraordinarily enthusiastic about TIVO, as my old system, Ultimate TV, was far superior and, to me, it seems as if I have taken two steps backwards.

I am still planning on trying to do some blogs on various issues. Hopefully I will get to a few of these blogs completed this week.

My current status and hopeful endeavors

Following, my perennial day down, Sunday, I had an equally uneventful Monday, spent answering e-mails and catching up on all of the latest news, I have moved into the meat of my week. Today and tomorrow I have a few community meetings, which will definitely take the bulk of my time. I am, however, hoping to be able to get a little more done with the remainder of the time I have later this week. I know many of my friends from my previous life, prior to my paralyzing accident, are finding some of my musings to be a little different than they would have envisioned some years ago. There is a multitude of reasons why many of my outlooks and perspectives have changed over the years. I plan on trying to delve into many of the facets of my life which have changed me, but I am unsure when I will be able to tackle this prodigious endeavor.

I also have desires to write about the new series Battlestar Galactica and some of the notable changes. I'm additionally eager to tackle my perception of the role advertising and the media plays on how certain movies are viewed within the United States. Well, I am going to get back to reading my pleasurable book. I think I also need to consider writing a blog about how difficult it is to read for pleasure when one's mobility is compromised.

My poor DVR

I have been in a funk lately. I don't know what has been going on, but I just can't seem to get going, like I normally do. I have been getting out of my house so I can talk with my neighbors, right around the neighborhood, and get as much an exercise as possible, but I have not been going to movies or just going out for dinner. Today, however, I did get out for quite a bit of the day. We, the entire family, started the day by having brunch at a local restaurant. It was fantastic and I really enjoyed getting out of my small neighborhood. Following the delectable meal, I went shopping for electronic devices. I was returning a dictionary program and decided to start looking into replacing my DVR. For some reason I am having difficulty with shows occasionally rebooting the entire satellite system, which I have currently. I am afraid my system may be about to completely crash and it is therefore prudent for me to look into replacing and upgrading my current satellite tuner I am, however, unsure if I will really be upgrading or simply just getting the best that's available. I have 105 hours worth of space now; the newer systems only have 80 hours worth of space. I am also unsure as to whether they have the ability to search for shows -- like my ultimate TV. The great thing is this new tuner/TIVO is an integrated system, like the one I currently possess, which allows me to record two shows while I am watching another. The other good news is that the new tuner/TIVO is six dollars cheaper per month and therefore will pay for itself in a year and a half. I have made it a practice to wait a couple of days prior to making a big purchase. This may not be an extraordinarily expensive buy, but I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered. Therefore, I will probably be purchasing the new satellite tuner/TIVO next week. I am additionally looking into purchasing a new larger television for my bedroom. It is a shame that as I grow older I am having more difficulty seeing objects which are some distance from me. Instead of wanting to wear glasses, which I discussed in depth before, I would rather purchasing new television. I'm definitely going to take my time, much like I did when I bought the television I have in my family room.

Began listening to 1984

While I have been spending quite a bit of time answering e-mails lately and just reading a rather pleasurable book, "Up Country", I have also been listening to George Orwell's 1984 in the mornings. Given all of the events over the last few years, this book is more apropos than it was when I first learned about it in high school. I find 1984 to be more compelling to me now than it would have been earlier in my life. It is strangely ironic that the real year of 1984 was an extremely gratifying year for me and perhaps, with a few notable exceptions, the best year of my life. I'm hoping to be able to finish the book later next week, thereby allowing need to listen or read some other books which are now much more compelling to me. The majority of my e-mails have focused around community activities and I have spent an inordinate amount of time attending local meetings. I'm hoping to be able to do a little more blogging in the near future. I need to make sure that I go back and review my other blogs to determine if they are legible.